Now now, Mr Bond, stop flirting with Moneypenny and pay attention. We’ve got a lot of gadgets to get through and a limited amount of time to show you them. No, you can’t have a Martini in the lab! Just pay attention.
You’ve been tasked with saving the world again, Bond. Although goodness knows why they let a lecherous, libidinous drunk into the field of action without supervision.
Anyway, we’ve given up crafting new gadgets in the lab. We’ve found that some of the best and most versatile pieces of tech are all online and can be purchased by anyone with a credit card.
So look here, Bond, we’ve compiled a few of the best bits of kit to help you in your mission against whatever oddball villain you’re fighting this year. Take a look.
The sound of spying
Have you ever watched a conversation from afar and wanted to hear exactly what those chatterboxes were saying? Well, you don’t have to stick a glass against a wall anymore. Audio spy devices have become cheap and versatile.
You can hide them in pens, tellies, lighters, DVD players and almost anything else. All you’ll have to do is get the listening device close to your enemies and you’ll hear them divulge all their super-secret plans.
And with improving tech, high-quality recording devices will cost you little more than a song.
It’s the kind of gadget that’s made MI5’s science department green with envy, but we’ve got enough humility to accept that Google has some of the best boffins in the world working on the Google Glass.
The Glass will let you do almost anything you like, Bond, from Googling your contacts on the fly to recording footage and uploading it directly to the web.
Some people have taken exception to the idea of spectacles brimming with the complexity of the internet, with many claiming it’ll reduce our already dwindling attention spans to zero. But there’s no denying they’ll help you in the field, Bond – so get wearing them.
Lying – it’s what every spy is good at. Even in Guantanamo-like conditions, a huge number of secret agents will knuckle down and keep shtum. But they can’t hold their mettle against cutting edge technology.
All you need to tell the facts from the fibbers is a USB polygraph that’ll test the truth with minimal effort.
Acting like a normal polygraph, this USB variant will let you go all Jeremy Kyle on your quarry, uncovering dark secrets or revealing madcap plans for world domination.
Whatever gadgets you choose, Mr Bond, please do come back in one piece. After all, we do like our gadgets returned to us unharmed.